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Our close companions with a woman, a person who's overcome many hardships, and I respect her for that. Yet, she's often taken by surprise in relationships. Her partner walked away, and it was a huge shock. A lot of her social circle vanished at that point, as they were drawn to him. It shocked her deeply. She put in greater energy to be my friend, and must have realised more acutely what friendship was.

Ongoing Issues With Friends Drifting Away

In the time since, many of her friends vanished leaving her certain of the reason. The company she worked for became hostile, although she was very skilled at her work, she departed unaware of why things shifted.

How Things Stand Now

In recent times, both of us retired so we're spending time together, however, I feel my role between us feels one-sided. I open discussion points and she changes them to what interests her. In terms of politics, she holds firm beliefs. I try to propose double-checking information and alternate views.

She has been arranging a holiday to a nation I know well on several occasions and resided in previously. I tried to provide insights, however, my input unappreciated. She purely only wanted my agreement with her choices. I've just come back from a month in that place she is eager to meet, however, I hesitate.

Weighing the Options

I am unwilling to be a friend who abandons suddenly without a word, however, I feel she can grasp the effect of her actions on my self-esteem. At this point, I am in avoidance mode. How should I proceed?

Possible Paths

It's possible to cut and run, yet this is not often the easy answer we hope for. However, addressing it aiming for working things out requires bravery and openness for each of you.

Therapists recommend using a useful conflict resolution tool:

"The first step is to state the usual pattern when you talk. Aim for this to be as factual as possible and essentially an unbiased account. Step two is to tell how this affects you emotionally. Ideally, there's no argument about this. Your feelings are your feelings, naturally. Step three involves requesting ways you together can shift the dynamics in your relationship."

Consider your friend has her own side, so you need to be prepared to listen to her. A helpful technique is telling your friend:

"Now you talk while I will not say anything for half an hour."

This can be successful to encourage understanding.

Final Thoughts

She may dismiss everything, as some people hold onto a “survival narrative”: they have a version regarding their experiences they cannot abandon because their very survival relies on it being the only thing familiar to them. This poses a challenge because there's no easy route in such cases, mere obstacles. Yet she could initially present this way and then think your perspective. And even if you don't achieve a fix, you'll have closure knowing you were truthful.